I Dont Want To Fade Away
by Phour O. Fyve
Summary: narusasu itakisame... yaoi. Sasuke is into selfharming and ends up in the hospital. He gets admited and that is were he meets naruto. Very cliche, but good. plz r
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

_Dark Thoughts_

A cool wind blows through a grassy feild and slowly creepes up and across the dark figure silently laying there staring up into the night sky. A dark cloud is blown slowly out of the way of the pale moon. Dark eye's widen as they move from the stars to the moon. The shadow blinks and then blinks again and slowly yet gracefuly stands up. Red eye's still glued to the pale moon's glow he wipes the dirt from seat of his pants and starts his way back down the rough path to his apartment.

Watching the cars go by as he quietly walks along the side of the road not realy paying much attention to were he's walking. But then again, why should he? He walks down this same path every weekend to the feild were he sits till he loses the feeling in his legs. A horn blasts breaking the silence of the night as the shadow steps onto the street. The horn still blasting yet the figure ignores it treds on. Fastning his speed just a bit to get out of the bright light caused by the yellowing headlights of the old car.

As he steps up onto the sidewalk the old car goes zooming by. The boy slowly turns to ward the car and mutters a silent curse to the driver. The Boy keeps walking and then all of a suden thers a loud horible screeching sound, and seconds later a crash. This how ever dosn't stop the boy from his walk. No. Not the sirens sounding in the distance. No not the Screams of pain. Not even the sounds pf people crying. He just keeps on walking. He walks right by the crash not even fliching as he looks upon the mangled body of the driver who almost hit him. Why should he care? He deserved what he got. Well thats what he tells himself and he continues on walking almost nearing hie apartment building. People stare at him as if he were crazy. How could he walk by that horrible sight without even stoping in his tred to look upon the horror that has ruined the quiet december night.

"...better hurry back..." he mutters to himself. Upon reaching the tall gloomy grey apartment building he looks up to his window to see someone staring down at him. "aww, shit. he's home!" he yells as he grabs his keys from his pocket and makes his way inside. He takes the stairs instead of the old broken down elevator, besides their much quicker. Once he reaches the tenth floor door he stops, and wonders if he should go in or if he hould go back to the feild in the back of an old abandoned hospital. But ofcourse he desides to 'suck it up' and go home.

As his hand reaches out to grasp the cold copper door handle he hears a loud blast of sound as his brother turns on the stereo that dad got him for christmas.Turning the handle of the door he gasps as a flash of freezing air hits his burning body. As he regains his composure he starts his way down the long dark green hallway. One foot after the other he gets closer and closer to his destination. Once he reaches the end of the hall he notices that some one has opened his apartment door and didnt close it. Chances are it was his brother so he dosnt think of it any longer than what is needed.

Not wanting to waste anymore time he quickly took off his boots and went to his room. Quietly he closed his door and walks over too his bed, Slidding his baggy black hoodie over his head and throughs it on his bed. Turning around he makes his way over to his crouded desk and pulls out his chair and sits on it. Grabing a pen out of his drawer he starts to write.

_**Not Alone**_

_Smoke curls around a burning fire_

_The sun sets in the distanse_

_Disappearing over the crown of brilliant blue ever-greens_

_I look up to the sky_

_Clouds of orange and crimson greet me_

_I'm out here alone_

_Clouds float by, as my gaze drifts to the fire_

_Flames engulf the charchole logs_

_As smoke rises and floats away_

_Into the uncareing dark blue sky_

_Some one throws another log into the fire_

_Blazing embers fly up into my face_

_And I try to sheild it from the heat_

_Footsteps sound beside me_

_The broken stump that I am sitting on shifts_

_And I know some one is beside me_

_I turn slightly to see your face_

_Showing gentle eyes_

_And a careing and understanding smile_

_I'm not alone_

As he is reading over what he has just writin he starts to feel anger boil up with in him. Starting from his stomach and slowly moving up til it gets to his mouth. He stands up and he violently throws everything on his desk on to the floor and he shouts as the glass lamp hits the floor and breaks into a thousand peices. Eyes glazed with anger and self-loathing he slowly walks over to the glass shards and kneels down to find the sharpest peice of glass. His hand quickly darts out and grabs the shard. As he brings the shard closer to his face and for what seems like eternety he just stares at it. Wondering if he should do it or not. Should he? **_Do it. You must! Pay them back for all the pain that they have caused you! _**a voice shouts from deep within him. His eyes slide close as he brings the shard down to his wrist and as he takes a deep breath. **_Do it now! _**the voice shouts louder now then it was before. One quick movement and its done. He opens his eyes as the pain has started to sink in. But it donst hurt. He starts to laugh as crimson orange blood starts to seep through the cut on his wrist. Laughing, and laughing as he starts to slice his arm over and over again untill he runs out of room. Then he moves to his other arm tracing intrecit designs and words that no child should ever be called. Names that his father has called him ever since he was a child.

Slowly as his anger starts to go away he puts the shard down and trys to stand up. Blinking once he looks around his room and what he has just done finally starts to sink in. The poem, the anger, the hatred, and the cutting. His brother wont be very happy if he found out that he broke moms lamp. And as the worry slowly wraps around his heart the room starts to spin. The last thing he see's is his door being slamed open and the face of his brother drowned in worry and confusion as he russes toward him. Then he closes his eyes and theres nothing but darkness and the constant reminder of what he has just done.


	2. Chapter 2

**yo,**

**i am one of the many voices in skylars head...i am his boyfriend and am sad to say that somethig terrable has happened over the corse of the weekend...i wont tell you the deatails but i will tell you that i will be takeing over his account and finish his fics for him. oh...by the way my name is malikai and with the the help of skylar and our frien seimei i bring you the second chapeter of I Dont Want To Fade Away**

**Disclamer: i do not in anyway shape or form own the naruto characters...neither does seimei...i do how ever own the voice in sasuke-kuns head.**

**Warning: blood, swearing, and...other stuff too...**

**Chapter 2**

_Big Brother_

_ ...why wont the pounding stop?_

_"...how is he...is he...doctor?"_

_who. who's voice is that? where am i?_

Thoughts are going through my head so fast it feels like i'm drowning. " Open your eyes, moron." I hear a voice tell me. The same voice as before...the one that told me to do 'it'. Slowly i open my eyes and I am greeted with the sight of a white tiled ceiling. As my eyes adjust i turn my head slightly and to my horror I find myself hooked up to a hearts monitor, and a needle in my arm. As surprise and fear sink into my skin my body shoots up from the bed and I start to tear at the iv needle imbeded in my skin. With one last violent tug ithe needle is pulled out of my bandaged arm. As the blood starts to fall from the hole were the needle used to be i hear something on the other side of the door. Slowly and very quietly I get up from the cold starchy hospital bed and as the hospital gown slowly slides down one of my pale shoulders revealing more crisp white bandages I make my way to the other side of the room and slowly I open the door and to my horror I find that there are at least three security gaurdes outside of my room. I shut the door and quietly make my way to my bed.

As I pull back the covers of the bed a thought hits me. _what happened? _My mind is blanck as I try to recall what has happened, and why I am here. It's not like any one actually care's about me anyway. It's a known fact. Everyone at school either hates me or dosnt know that I'm even alive. I'm dead to them and I'm cold inside. Always cold inside. It'll never ever go away...I want to be dead...I want everyone to remember me. I wan them all to know what they did to me... are doing to me. I want o know why I'm here. Why am I here if all I'm going to do is suffer? Is that my fate? Is it my destiny to be lost and alone... to feel all this undenied hatred directed all at me for my pitiful worthless existance?

I wrap the blanket tighter and tighter around my cold shivering body as the tears that I have been holding in for so longare finally ready to fall. Soaking my pillow and my face. Trough my tear blurred eyes I see the cold steel colored door slowly creek open to reveal a tired and fateiged doctor. As he walks his stringy moonlight colored hair falls into his face and into his tired sea green eyes. Eyes that have seen more thatn any man ever thought he would. Eyes that are filled to the brim with wisdom. A rustle of cloth as he reaches out to push back the hairs that have gone astray.

" Hello there son. My name is Dr.Ferouski. Do you know why you are here?"he asks with something aken to kindness or concern in his voice. I shake my head and look at him like he is the insane one... I'd tell him...but then he would win. Prove that he's better than me when he's not. No. No, no one is better than me...or...**_ You dont sound to sure of yourself. Whats wrong? Lose your 'confidense'? Hmm._** he laughs as I struggle with something to say that wont give away to much. Instead of saying anything i just wrap the covers tighter around my small fragile form. As i shake with my silent sobbing I try to will the doctor away from me. Away from the room...far far away.

Finally he gets up and leaves saying a silent good night. And as my eyes begin to close and my mind begins to darken i wonder what i'm going to do...

xxxxxx

A living nightmare, asleep but still aware.  
The endless torture.  
The painless pleasure.  
I grasp myself

_How ironic. _i tell myself as I finally deside to come back to the world of the living. That song is perfect. It explains my life almost perfectly...almost. I sigh as i sit up and turn the diskman off. Slowley i pull the covers off of me and put my feet on the ice cold floor. **_che. this is stupid! why not just get out of here? run away or sumthing..._ **i think im starting to put my trust in a voice...thats in my head_...whatever _i say to myself as i make my way to the washroom. Opening the door i step up to the sink and up on to a stole conveinently placed by the sink. sighing i look into the mirror. I jump as im greeted with blood shot eyes, messy hair that is covered in sweat and is sticking to my pale face, chole black eyes surrounded by dark circles from lack of sleep, and a huge bruse on the left side of my face just under the eye. _ what the hell happened to me?_ i scream to myself as my fist darts out and hits the mirror dead in the center. I start screaming...screaming for no reason. i fall to the floor holding my hand with glass shards sticking out of it i start pounding on the floor.

I suddenly stop as I hear foot steps aproaching my door and muffled voices of the nurses and doctor. I continue pounding on the floor untill the bathroom door is slamed open to reveal...

xxxxxx

**:p cliff hanger. please leave a review...it will make my day...hell it would make my year! any way i would like to leave you with a poem i wrote fro my dear dear skylar. its tittled "gone forever"**

xxxxxx

**moolight falls on your soft silver hair**

**as i stare hopelessly into your blank blood red orbs**

**slowley sorrow filled tears fall from your eyes**

**you smill that goofy smile...it never leaves you face...**

**dose it?**

**"i guess i wont...be a able to say...happy birthday..."**

**my eyes snap shut as tears start to fall**

**slowley i open my eyes and look at your small cherub face**

**my fingers running threw your hair slow to a stop**

**your so cold...your face...stone cold...like ice**

**you smile...forever ingraved in my mind**

**screaming...some ones screaming?**

**why does my throat hurt? am i the one screaming?**

**i wince as i crane my neck to look around**

**people are gathering...why do they just stand there with their mouths hanging open?**

**cant they see we need help?**

**im screaming again...what? im not sure**

**it dosnt matter...**

**...your gone...**

**...not coming back...**

**...never...**

**...im all alone...**

**...forever...**

**i will never love another...no one but you...**

**i love you skylar**

xxxxxx

**anyway thats all. i hoped you enjoyed this chapter.**

**buh bye minna-san!**


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